3 Ways to Say No to Your Boss

Author: Paige Cohen

How often have you heard the job advice: “Say yes to everything”? The idea is that the more work you take on, the greater ambition you’ll show and the faster you’ll move ahead in the organization. This wisdom was passed down to me through many generations—mentors, teachers, bosses, senior colleagues, and parents. Early in my career, I made them proud. I rarely, if ever, turned down a task.

I had an endless to-do list and spent late hours at the office paying my dues. Who cared if I was completely burned out and had no idea what I enjoyed or wanted to do? I was blessed with endless “opportunities.” I was showing off great skills, like organization and efficiency. I was a yes person—the best kind of person. What could be better than that?

Years later, I have the answer to that question: learning when to say no. It took me a lot of trial and error to come to this, but gracefully turning people down has gotten me much farther than taking on nonpromotable tasks for fear of disappointing others. Strategically saying no can afford you more energy, time, and work-life balance. It’s a talent: the ability to prioritize work that will showcase your strengths or focus on tasks that will help you develop the skills you need to advance to the next level.

Like me, early in your career, you may feel more pressure to say yes to everything. It makes sense. You’re new. You’re trying to build a good reputation. But remember: Reserving your energy for the most important work—the work that will benefit you and your ambitions—will make you more successful than taking on tasks you don’t have the bandwidth to handle.

Still, saying no is hard to do, especially if the request comes from your boss. So how do you do it?

I asked my team members, each of whom have a great deal of experience in this area, for advice.

How to Say No to Your Boss

Take a day to think about whether the task will help or hurt you
Saying no to my boss (or even my coworkers) is something I’ve always struggled with. I began my career in the startup world. As a member of a very small team, I learned the value of saying yes to every task thrown my way—even those that were far outside my job description. Not only did I learn a lot by doing so, but I also gained my boss’s favor and earned promotions quickly as a result. I still carry this mentality with me even though I work at a much bigger company now.

I still think saying yes to tasks outside of your comfort zone can be really rewarding, but I also now understand the challenges that can come with doing so. If you say yes to everything, you’re basically saying no to doing a good job at anything. There’s a point at which spreading yourself too thin will cause a dip in your performance, and all of that goodwill and experience you would have gained by trying something new goes out the window.

Now, when my boss asks me if I can take on a new task or project, I try to create a pause in the conversation by saying something like, “That sounds interesting! Would you mind if I get back to you tomorrow so I can look at my other priorities right now and see how much time I’d have to help out?”

From there, I try to think about the task itself and ask myself a few questions:

• Will I learn something new or gain experience by saying yes?

• Does this task align with my future career goals?

• What experiences will I lose out on if I say yes to this task?

• Am I already feeling overwhelmed?

These questions help me sort out if I’m actually interested in helping out with the project at hand, or if I’m just saying yes because I want to make my boss happy.

–Kelsey Alpaio (she/her),
Senior Associate Editor, HBR Ascend

Don’t just say no; explain why you’re saying it

There’s an uneven power dynamic when someone more senior than you asks you to take on a task. That’s why it’s important to outline the logic behind your answer, especially if you turn them down. Simply saying no leaves room for the requester to assume why you won’t accept a task or are declining a project. Context is vital.

Examples of reasons you might say no include:

• You can’t finish the task or project within the required time frame.

• You don’t feel you have the resources to do the work successfully.

• You’ll have to neglect important responsibilities to get the new task done.

In other words, if saying no will lead to a more efficient, balanced, and successful version of both you and your work, it’s probably the right answer. As with most conversations at work, it’s best to be transparent about what you notice, feel, and believe.

I suggest using phrases like, “I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this because …” or “With my current workload, I won’t be able to finish this task within the time you’ll need.” Sharing your logic with your boss will help frame you as a thoughtful, responsible, honest, and reasonable colleague.

–Nicole D. Smith (she/her),
Editorial Audience Director, HBR

Support your reasoning with data

Overloading yourself with tasks that you can’t perform at your best will only lead to subpar results. When you say no to your boss, it’s your job to make them understand that by using data and evidence to support your case.

The first step is to clearly understand the requirements of the task and estimate the efforts needed to complete it successfully. If you’re unsure, ask your manager, “When would you need this done by and what would a successful result look like?”

Based on that data, consider your current bandwidth. If a successful result feels unrealistic, ask yourself why. One of the most common reasons may be that you simply have too much on your to-do list to take on the project in the given time frame. (If you have time, spend a day or two tracking how much time you’re spending on each item on your current to-do list before answering your manager.)

Once you have a better idea of your bandwidth, find a time to speak to your manager one-on-one and calmly explain your situation, using any data you’ve gathered to support you. If the task is time sensitive or business critical, and you can’t turn around results fast enough, ask your manager to help you reprioritize the responsibilities you’ve already committed to. You can say: “I’d be happy to take this on, but I’m not able to get it done by the deadline given everything else on my plate. Can you help me reprioritize my to-do list to free up more space in my schedule?”

I’ve also found that collaboration tools like Trello and Airtable, which allow you to track your current tasks, can help keep you and your manager on the same page by making your workload visible to them. I recommend using these tools to document your pipeline of projects. Then share your pipeline with your manager so that they can see what you’re working on before assigning you something new.

–Dviwesh Mehta (he/him), Regional Director,
South Asia and the Middle East, Higher
Education, Harvard Business Publishing